So this is Christmas?

Today was a typical day in my run up to the dreaded day. Get up earlyish (Himself walking the dogs so I got a lie-in) – we’re going shopping and the shops are open from 10a.m. Wake up Genius as soon as Himself nips out – won’t be long – to look at the remains of a friends car. Genius wants to come shopping as he needs new pedals and cycling shoes.

Put first load of laundry in while waiting for Himself to return. Put Genius and old mattress in car and take to the tip while waiting for Himself. The tip has moved in the last couple of weeks and have to find new tip. It isn’t as bad as I expected – just don’t know where the different bins are and the signs are too small for me to read from the car. Buy an Ikea picture for a pound at the Tip Shop. Leave mattress at tip and take Genius home. Get home to find Himself vacuuming the hall because Brat is bringing his girlfriend over later. Wait for Himself to stop vacuuming.

Drive twenty miles to the shops because Himself has won £50 of M&S vouchers and we’re going to buy posh food for Christmas. Get phone call from Brat on Genius’ phone as he couldn’t get an answer on himself’s and mine is at home and probably switched off.

Have I got a proper roast dinner planned for gf?

No I haven’t.

If he buys the joint can I do a roast dinner?

I suppose so, just don’t buy anything that needs more than two hours cooking if you want to eat before midnight.

We park up in the Car Park that is a twenty minute walk from the shops because it’ll have more spaces than the closer ones. Car park is virtually empty so this is probably true. This is my last chance to buy stuff for Himself and can I get rid of him so that I can shop? No. Buy mother-in-law some handcream and me a reduced April Violets perfume spray because it was there.

Buy loads of Marks & Sparks food – put back the £14 passionfruit moose when I spot the price – get ready-to-cook roast potatoes to go with Brat’s joint. Forget to get any fruit. Only spend £8 over the £50. Drag all the food back to the car. Genius hasn’t got his pedals or cycle shoes so have to stop at another cycle shop.

Get home and Brat isn’t there, neither is joint. Brat is out buying a secondhand router to try and stabilise our wireless network which has been playing up. Get another load of laundry on while waiting – this time washing my work clothes that i need for 7a.m. tomorrow rather than Himself’s work clothes that he doesn’t need until Thursday. Chuck two pairs of jeans in tumble dryer in the hope that they might be dry sometime tonight (new tumble dryer has very sensitive sensors and doesn’t dry very well).

Brat returns with gf and a large fresh turkey crown. This is somewhat larger than the one that’s in the freezer for Tuesday and cost three times as much. Put turkey in oven, decline to set up new router right now and crawl into bed for a nap. Get up and try and fit M&S roasting veg in small oven with turkey while worrying what the instructions actually said as they tore when I was trying to get the wrapping off. Read the instructions on the potatoes before unwrapping them. Worry some more about the plastic tray the veg came in that I’ve put in the oven. Time to rearrange things to get the potatoes in the oven – the plastic tray looks slightly melted so transfer the veg to a grill pan instead. The potatoes say they should be transferred but I don’t have room for another grill pan – at least the potatoes are in a sturdy foil tray.

Download instructions for new router and try and read them in between checking on the food in the oven. Put my work clothes in tumble dryer because jeans are only a bit damp now. Serve dinner fending off IGD’s nose and not tripping over Pest who can’t get his nose close enough to be dangerous. Eat dinner off lap fending off IGD’s nose and Pest’s nose now the plates are closed to his level. Brat produces  Christmas crackers and party poppers. IGD and Pest vanish suddenly.

Set up new router using Genius to do the thread-the-wire-behind-the-Christmas-tree awkward part. New router appears to work. Put more work clothes in tumble dryer and remember to hang the dry shirts on hangers before the creases set.

Brat wants gf to open her presents from us and for us to open our presents from her.  Who declared it Christmas already? I’ve still not got anything much for Himself – a fiver’s worth of shower gel isn’t going to be impressive come Tuesday. Maybe Amazon will get the book here before 28th? Or I could just wrap up some fruit to give him something to unwrap – well, I could if I’d remembered to buy any fruit. I’m working 8 to 4 tomorrow and the shops will be shutting around 5. ..

It’s now just after 11p.m. and tomorrow I won’t even have time for a nap!

Most days in December follow this sort of pattern for me. I really look forward to the evening on Christmas Eve when the shops are all closed and anything that hasn’t been bought can’t be bought in time for Christmas Day.

Last Friday was even worse because I was trying to fit in filling in the marketing document for Johnny Smith as well as getting a new mattress on our bed, wrapping Himself’s shower gel while he was out, wrapping all the kids presents while they weren’t here either, while trying to get the bedclothes dry enough to put back on the bed so I might be able to get some sleep before going to work for 6a.m. on Saturday. Himself came home five minutes after I’d got in bed. I think I managed nearly four hours sleep.

Hope you are all sailing serenely into the holidays!